Everyday I follow the sheep
as we hurdle into our
square shaped cubicles.
To spend all day punching on a keyboard.
Just to make a tidy fee to take home
and feed less grateful mouths.
And I ask myself,
"Why am I bothering to ask questions?"
I should be outside enjoying life.
And to quote a cliché,
Living it to the fullest. 

But that’s the problem with reality.
Because in reality
dignity and happiness cannot co-exist.
In order to survive and be happy,
we must place our souls
in the arms of the highest bidder.
Snatch the hand-outs of the poor.
And shadow our true identity beneath a mask of, 

"I love you." 

Because whatever dignified excuse
we attempt to make,
is drowned out by
the banging of cash registers,
and the unspoken sigh
of sliding in our time cards.

For that, I am disgusted with happiness.
Disgusted with happiness lying to my face.
Telling me that if I just keep the faith
and hold true to His word,
that everything will be okay. 
If that is happiness,
Then I will surely give it up,
and keep my dignity instead.

So if you pass me on the streets,
please don’t turn and look back.
I don’t want you to look into my eyes
and be saddened because
I have given up on happiness. 
I don’t want to hear how your Savior has pity for me.
Because I’m bigger than your pity.
Bigger than your sympathetic cries for remorse.
And your tears of comfort. 

And if having dignity means losing friends,
then so be it. 

By now you’re asking,
"Why am I telling you this?"
Just to rant and vent my anger.
So when I die
and become a nothing to the world.
At least you all will know what it feels like
to be me. 

cori graham